Dispatches from the North: Top 10 Most Peculiar Things About Britain

There are some aspects of British life that I just can’t quite wrap my head around. It isn’t in my nature to call things good or bad, just… different. Here is my list of the top ten things in Britain that I find very peculiar. I will let you be the judge.

1. No outlets in the bathroom

This is the thing I find the most peculiar, although it has been quite logically explained to me. The British firmly believe that “water and electricity don’t mix” which I can plainly agree is correct. However, I spent the first 25 years of my life with electrical outlets in my bathroom and have never once been in danger of electrocution. Where I become confused with this explanation is that it is quite common for British bathrooms to be carpeted. So water and electricity don’t mix, but water and carpet do? I don’t see the logic in that.

2. Women frequent the hairdresser

It is common for American ladies of a more mature generation to go to the hairdresser weekly and have their hair done. However, here in Britain this extends to all generations of women. I am not just talking about the regular curl and comb out. Women go to the hair dresser simply to have their hair straightened before they go for a night out, something they could easily do at home with a hair straightener. The idea of paying someone to do something I could quite easily do at home completely boggles my mind.

3. Most things are metric, except when driving

Driving is measured in feet and miles. Speed is in MPH, signs say “Junction in 500 Ft.”, you get the idea. Why is everything else metric but this?

4. Teletext

How do I go about explaining teletext? It has been described to me before as a precursor to the internet. It is a text-based system on British televisions that provides news, sports, weather and other information in text-only format. I am really struggling to explain it, so here is the Wikipedia article on Teletext.

5. Gilbert & Sullivan societies

Gilbert & Sullivan societies can be found in the US, but for the most part it is a British thing. There seems to be at least one in every town, although some would tell you it is now a dying art. Gilbert & Sullivan societies are theatre groups that are dedicated to performing only the dozen or so operas (like Pirates of Penzance) that were written by the Victorian duo. It is also popular in Australia and other countries of the Commonwealth. I love the theatre myself but I can’t quite grasp the idea of limiting a theatrical repetoire in this way. I could understand a conservation society that focused on great British musicals and operas, but narrowing the scope to G&S seems a bit mundane to me.

6. Taps aren’t mixed

It is entirely too easy to scald yourself when using British plumbing. In the majority of bathrooms, unless they have been very recently updated, there is a separate tap for the hot and cold water. This leaves you with three choices, none of which is ideal. The first choice is try to wash your hands in steaming hot water, the second choice is to wash your hands in ice cold water, and the third is to put the stopper in the sink and turn both taps on until the water in the basin is at your desired temperature.

This isn’t to say that no bathrooms have a mixed tap, but the vast majority of them have separate hot and cold taps. The same goes for taps in the bathtub and kitchen, although it is more common for these to be mixed.

7. Schools

I still haven’t quite figured out the British school system. To put it simply Primary School is for 5-10 year olds, Secondary School is for 11-16 year olds, Sixth Form College is for 17-18 year olds and is optional.

If you ask my opinion (and I know you didn’t) this is why a 13 year old boy just became a father. I think it’s a bad idea to have 11 year olds and 16 year olds in the same school. They are such different age groups and so much happens in those tween years.

At the end of Secondary school students take their GCSEs. After this, 16 year olds can choose to go to Sixth Form College where they do their A levels. After they have completed their A levels they can choose to go to University. I know this is incredibly confusing, please feel free to check out the Wikipedia article on Education in England. It think it explains it a bit better.

8. TV License

Watching TV in the UK is not free. In order to watch TV one must purchase a TV license. The funds from the TV license fund the BBC. Coming from a country where free TV is very nearly considered a Constitutional right I have a hard time wrapping my head around paying just to use your television.

9. Newspapers and Tabloids

The newspapers are an incredibly important part of the British media. It is a daily occurrence on the news for the anchors to show the major national papers and discuss the day’s newspaper headlines. In some ways you could say the newspaper headlines dictate what the television news covers.

Also, tabloids are much more important here and reach a wider audience. In the US tabloids are seen as junk mostly read by women for a bit of fun. Here there are many people who read the tabloids regularly and consider them a reliable news source. My husband is one of these people. Once I suggested to him that he read The Times and he informed me he only reads the tabloids. Tabloids are considered to be more blue collar newspapers and the bigger national newspapers are considered more white collar.

10. Varieties of pizza

I find that the British put the most peculiar things on their pizza, including an abundance of chicken. Here is a sampling of pizzas from the Dominos menu. I have seen BBQ pizzas and Buffalo chicken pizzas on American menus, but this is usually the exception and not the rule. Here the majority of the pizzas on menus are more like this:

Piri Piri Pizza: piri piri sauce, roast chicken, tandoori chicken, green peppers, onions

Chicken Feast: chicken, mushrooms, sweet corn

Scrummy: pepperoni, ham, chorizo, tandoori chicken, meatballs, smoky bacon

Texas BBQ: Tangy BBQ sauce topped with smoky bacon, succulent roast chicken, onions and green peppers