*Sigh* Noel and Liam Gallagher are still fighting. Do I even need to say it? But, remarkably, the last month or so has yielded a remarkable amount of material I can work with, and I’ll try to distill it as much as I can. Bear in mind, this will be a long one.
Last month, Noel Gallagher was voted the #7th funniest living non-comedian celebrity in Britain. I can’t find the full list, but, apparently Robbie Williams was #6 and Rod Stewart is #8.
Now, about a week ago, he was interviewed by NME, and as part of his interview, Noel gave his two cents (or is it tuppence?) about David Bowie’s recent comeback. Simply put, he said the album was mind-blowing, and said that Bowie’s handling of the album showed that established acts don’t always have to rely on their former glories.
Quoth Noel Gallagher: “It’s great to hear his voice singing something new. The more you hear ‘Where Are We Now?’ the better it gets. The video’s mad – like his fucking cat directed it.”
But with regards to whether the comeback may have changed his minds about reunions (most likely angling for an answer about reuniting Oasis), he answered: “What it proved to me is that reunions are fucking shite. If you had turned on the news and it had said, ‘David Bowie is to do a fucking series of concerts next year,’ everyone would have gone, ‘Oh great, can’t wait, that’s it, let’s talk about something else.’ But we’re still talking about that song. New music and records rule, but reunions for gigs are shit, you know.”
And, giving his thoughts on the large amount of speculation of whether Bowie will go back to live performances, he said he thought it would be “fucking bedlam”.
And now, here’s something meatier: a feud. Not one with Liam, but one with Muse. Noel has summed up his experience at this year’s Brit awards by mentioning that he saw a member of Muse smoking an electronic cigarette.
Gallagher was there alongside Damon Albarn of Blur with a special award for War Child. Gallagher was less than impressed, stating he thought that everyone was a careerist and was too nice. Kindly bear in mind who said those words.
Quoth Noel: “There are no characters left in the music business. When we first started going there was a healthy percentage of people, and we were all dirt-kickers from council estates, and we all couldn’t believe our luck that we were at the Brits. You go in now and everybody is a careerist. It’s very corporate, and you know what I’ve actually seen people doing at the Brits? Eating. I saw the drummer from Muse smoking an electronic cigarette. A cigarette with a battery in. I had to say to him: ‘Really? Really? Is that where you are at? Do me a favour mate, either have a proper one outside, or don’t have one.’ It lit up green when he had a drag of it. Nonsense. He said that immortal line – ‘Oh you know how it is mate’. And I said ‘I’m sorry mate, I actually don’t.’… “It was an instantly forgettable night, There was nothing going on at the Brits, there was nothing going on at the aftershow parties. There seemed to be a lot of young people in hats, with iPhones. They’re either all involved in some massive video game that they’re all hooked up to, or they’re just texting each other saying ‘Where are you, what are you doing?’ And they’ve all got hats. Where did the hat come from? We’re going back to some Dickensian nightmare. I don’t understand it. People with hats and Blackberrys under the age of 30 should be shot. Or stoned to death.”
Muse frontman Matt Bellamy tweeted this in response: “Dom[inic Howard] took Noel’s lyrics ‘I want to live I don’t want to die’, ‘maybe I just want to breath’ and ‘you and I are gonna live forever’ literally. He’s switching to real cigarettes based on Noel’s apparent U-turn.”
And, now, he’s taking on a remarkably easy target: Justin Bieber. After he arrived on stage for a London concert two hours late, and collapsing at another concert shortly afterward, Noel Gallagher had this to say: “Is it rock ‘n’ roll to be two hours late? It depends on what he was doing in those two hours. Was he snorting coke off prostitutes? Or was he playing bridge? That’s not very rock’n'roll, is it? My cat sounds more rock ’n’ roll that that, I just know his name — Justin. Whatever. I don’t know anything about him. I know people really fucking hate him, don’t they.” Noel, I expected better from you. Justin’s not even rock. He’s bubblegum pop, pure and simple.
But, for once, Liam gave what may or may not be a response to his brother’s comments, either that or a video of Bieber lashing out at the paparazzi.
His tweet, dated 11:15 AM at 9 March 2013 reads, in full: “Wow Yeah Justin Bieber Rules ! LG x”
And, finally, because rumours of an Oasis reunion have popped up yet again, this time that the brothers would reunite in time for the 20th anniversary of the release of “What’s the Story Morning Glory” in 2015, Noel Gallagher had this to say: “Look, it’s not going to happen in 2015 because the boys in the other band (Beady Eye) are all flat out busy, they’re making a record at the minute so they’re going to be on the road until 2015 you’d imagine. And I probably will have been coerced into doing something by then. I wish people would give it up – it’s not going to happen, for no other reason than we’ve moved on.”
Phew! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is this week’s Noel and Liam Gallagher Scandal Sheet.