Brit Music: Morrissey’s autobiography released

The first edition cover of Morrissey's autobiography. Image Source: Penguin Books.

The first edition cover of Morrissey’s autobiography.
Image Source: Penguin Books.

I’ve kind of been dreading doing this article, partly because I don’t particularly like Morrissey, but here goes. Morrissey just released his autobiography, and I’m sure fans will be pleased to know that he’s revealed the identity of his first serious relationship.

You see, for the longest time, he’s claimed that he’s celibate, but, starting around the time he’s spent quite a bit of ink teasing the subject of his sexuality, often hinting he might be gay, even coming out to Rolling Stone in 1984 and instantly retracting it. Quite frankly, I think people would be more accepting of his claims to celibacy if every other time he opens his mouth other than to sing, he reveals himself to be such an angry man that it’s hard to listen to him and not think “this man needs to get laid; it doesn’t matter if it’s a man, woman, or a car seat, even. Maybe if he does, it’ll make him into the sensitive guy he tried so hard to be in The Smiths.”And so, in his autobiography, he revealed he was in a serious relationship with a man starting around the age of 35.  He enjoyed a relationship with photographer Jake Owen Walters for a period of two years, but still refuses to specify whether or not they were lovers. He did say of the relationship that it was “the first time in my life the eternal ‘I’ becomes ‘we’, as, finally, I can get on with someone. Jake and I neither sought nor needed company other than our own for the whirlwind stretch to come, Indulgently Jake and I test how far each of us can go before ‘being dwelt in’ causes cries of intolerable struggle, but our closeness transcends such visitations.” I bet Radclyffe Hall would be proud.

The closest thing to a confirmation that Morrissey and Walters were lovers comes when they were boarding a flight and they were asked if they were lovers: “‘Well,’ says the woman in the British Airways lounge, ‘you’re either very close brothers or lovers.’” Morrissey writes. “‘Can’t brothers be lovers?’ I imprudently reply – always ready with the pointlessly pert, whether sensible or not.”

And so, he decided to explain the speculation and give his sexuality the most definitive treatment he’s given it: “Unfortunately, I am not homosexual. In technical fact, I am humasexual. I am attracted to humans. But, of course … not many“. I think the term you’re looking for is “pansexual,” Morrissey.

Quite frankly, I’m just surprised that Penguin agreed to release this as a Penguin Classic in its first edition. Allegedly, it was done because Morrrissey insisted that if Penguin was to publish it, he’d only allow it if it was under the Classics banner, and apparently Penguin agreed to do it because they thought the book was a classic in the making; Hell, I think Bruce Campbell’s autobiography is a classic, but that doesn’t mean I think Penguin Classics should print it. Of course, this seems to be the first time a novel has made it straight from galleys to Penguin Classics. I honestly hope this doesn’t mean the “Classics” part of Penguin Classics is going to start to become meaningless.

And so, I leave you with Peter Serafinowicz (of Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, Look Around You, Black Books, and Darth Maul fame) singing the first two pages of the autobiography:

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