From the Heart… of England: What’s in a name?

Hmmm…quite a lot, actually.

I’ve read loads of articles about ’silly’ English place names such as Lower Piddle, Pratt’s Bottom, Doddiscombsleigh, Wigtwizzle and the like.  I love them, but then I was taught to love them by my wonderful father who used to make up long poems about the places we drove through on our journey to the seaside each summer.  A man who would willingly make a five-mile detour just so he could add the line “then through Broughton Poggs, where the men bite dogs” to his rhyme.  Silly, silly, lovely poet of a Daddy.

But many English Place names are incredibly logical;  a fact that seems to have passed most of my American friends by.  So I thought I’d give you a quick run-down of some of them…

Stratford-upon-Avon – okay, an easy one to start with.  The river Avon flows through Stratford and the town of Stratford grew around it (or ‘upon’ it).

Brentford – A ford is a crossing-place in a river, and so Brentford is a shallow crossing place in the river Brent.  There are lots of place names ending in ford.  Usually the first bit refers to the name of the river the ford crosses, but occasionally it can refer to other things, such as Oxford, which is thought to refer to a ford where oxen used to cross the river – “Oxenford”.

Yarmouth – A mouth is where a river flows into the sea, so Yarmouth is the town where the river Yar flows into the sea and many other coastal towns share this nomenclature, for example Exmouth, Cockermouth and Bournemouth.

Hebden Bridge – This one is pretty straightforward; a settlement which grew around a bridge built over the River Hebden where packhorses used to cross.  Edenbridge is so-named for the same reason.  However, Cambridge is a little trickier!   The river Cam does indeed flow through Cambridge (and yes, there is a bridge).  But the river used to be called the Granta, so they actually renamed the river after the town this time!

Swindon – Anywhere called “something-don” will be on a hill, as the word “dun” in Anglo Saxon meant hill.  Swindon (pronounced Swindun) was Swines Hill, where pigs were kept.  Huntingdon was “Hunter’s Hill”.

Hunstanton – Places ending in “ton” or “by” were probably farms that grew over time into villages.  Hunstanton is Hunstan’s farm.  Colby was Koli’s farm.  There are a THOUSANDS of these!

Ousden – “den” was a valley, and Ousden was “Owl’s valley”.

There are so many origins of English words, that there is no straightforward guide, really, but I’ve tried to list a few that are common to help you see why English place names are…how they are.  So hopefully when you take a vacation in, say, Devon and you stay in Lynton or Lynmouth you’ll easily remember that Lynton is the village at the top of the hill and Lynmouth is the one down the hill where the river Lyn flows into the sea.  Easy-peasy.

And Broughton Poggs?  Originally Brocturn Pogeys, an “enclosure by the stream” belonging to the Pogeys family.

Just don’t ask me about Pratt’s Bottom, eh?

From the Heart… of England: Time for an English lesson

I have often travelled on work trips to the States and been asked how long I am staying.  Before I knew better, I used to answer “a fortnight”, which met with rather blank looks Stateside.  So let me explain a few of our quirkier notions of time in Blighty…

• A ‘fortnight’ is two weeks.  It’s short for a ‘fourteen-night’ and, believe it or not, we used to call a week a ’sennight’ for the same reason (seven-night).  ‘Sennight’ died a death centuries ago, but ‘fortnight’ is still very common indeed.
• We write (and say) dates differently.  Today, according to Brits, is 20/11/2009 (the twentieth of November two thousand and nine).  In America it’s 11/20/2009 (November twenty, two thousand nine).  You see, you are “middle endian” and we are “little endian” (although I believe the International standard for dates is “big endian” – yyyy/mm/dd so we’re both equally wrong there!).
• When asking the time in the UK, it’s normal to hear slang or shortened versions.  So if the time is half past six (which for some of you in the US is a “half after six”) you may be told it’s “half six”, or simply “half past”, as we tend to assume you at least know what hour it is!  And if you are in the South it will sound like “Arf parst” and if you are up North it will sound like “Aff Passt”.
• In the UK you’ll never hear that it’s “a quarter ’til four” or “five after nine”.  If it’s before the hour it’s always “to” and if it’s after the hour it’s always “past”.  And in the UK, phrases such as “top of the hour” or “bottom of the hour” are regarded as intensely cheesy and may elicit giggles!  Although we do use more modern expressions such as “four thirty-five”.
• Similarly, you’ll never hear us talk about a “half hour”.  It’s always “half an hour”.
• You arrange to have fun “on the weekend”, but we do stuff “at the weekend” or “over the weekend”.
• When arranging dates we may refer to “Thursday last” or “Thursday just gone” (last Thursday) or “a week Tuesday”  (a week from next Tuesday).
• You’ll also hear “in a mo” (momentarily), “half a sec” (please wait a moment), “for a bit” (for a little while), “for yonks” (for a long while) and “TTFN” (short for Ta Ta For Now which means “see you soon”).
• Confusingly, “laters” (which often sounds like “Lay Uz”) doesn’t necessarily mean you will see the person later; it often means “see you around”.

And just as a foot-note;  see the big clock in the piccie above?  We all call it Big Ben.  Even though we all know it’s not actually called Big Ben (that’s the name of the bell inside that tolls the hour).  The name of the clock itself is The Great Clock on the Clock Tower of the Houses of Parliament.  Catchy name, huh?

Yep.  now you see why we call it Big Ben.  Can’t be bothered with all that malarkey.  Haven’t got time!

Ten tips to swear like a Brit

I am unfortunately aware that we have successfully exported chef Gordon Ramsay to you.  My sincere apologies.

Obviously, the man can cook (and play football) – I wouldn’t want to imply that he can’t.  in fact I truly admire his culinary skill.  But as an ambassador for the English language, he’s not really the best, is he?

It is a somewhat depressing fact of life that language on the streets of this fair isle is deteriorating most alarmingly.  And the “f” word is not the worst one I’ve come across whilst shopping in town with my impressionable toddler daughter (who can now repeat any word after just one hearing).

And yet, when I think about it, I only hear this language on the streets or on TV.  My friends, family and work colleagues are all much more ‘traditional English’ swearers.  So I thought it’s about time we re-introduced the art of using charmingly ‘inoffensive’ expletives to the streets of Blighty; maybe you’d like to join us?

So …

1. If something goes wrong and you need a handy profanity, try “oh blast it!”, “fiddlesticks”, or “bloody hell” instead of the predictable.
2. Mild vexation could call for “oh botheration”,  “bloomin’ heck”, “bottoms”, “pants” or “chuffing heck!”.
3. Stupid or annoying people become ‘nitwits’ or ‘nincompoops’ instead of a**holes.
4. If someone says something that’s bulls**t, then why not try the quaint English terms “codswallop” or “cobblers” instead?
5. If you are drunk, you are “tipsy”, “sloshed”, have had “one over the eight”, are “chateau’d” or “tired and emotional”.
6. If you screw something up, you have made a ‘hash’ of it, or a “right pig’s ear”.
7. If surprised, instead of “Jesus!”, try “Bloody Nora”, “Cor blimey” or “well, blow me” (yep, we really do say this, but you’ll be reassured to know it’s a short form of ‘blow me down’, similar to ‘you could knock me down with a feather’).
8. If you are pi**ed, you are “narked” and if you choose to verbally vent your spleen, you are said to be “throwing a wobbly”.
9. If the sh*t is about to hit the fan and you are tempted to say you are f***ed, then try a posh English accent with the words “gosh, we’re in a bit of a tight spot here” or a Scottish accent and “we’re doomed…dooooomed, I tell ye”.
10. And if words fail you and you are tempted to flick ‘the finger’, why not try the English version and use two fingers (like a “V” for victory, but with your palm towards yourself).  Preferably, this should be accompanied by the smug comment “Agincourt!” as you raise the fingers in the air.

So if Gordon Ramsay has left you believing there is only one profanity in the English language, take heart; even Shakespeare would be proud of our rich and varied selection of expletives.

Dispatches From The North: Ruling the Waves – Life in Britain’s Royal Navy

Alright, so the Royal Navy doesn’t exactly rule the waves these days as they have in the past. In fact, the Royal Navy currently has less than 40,000 personnel which is fewer than the number of students at my alma mater, Michigan State University. Still, the Royal Navy is the Senior Service (original branch of the British military) and a prestigious institution, and I am a proud Royal Navy wife.

My husband is a Petty Officer in the Royal Navy, which to put in terms of pretty much every other branch of the military in both the US and Britain is equivalent to a Sergeant, but the Royal Navy always insists on being different. He has served 21 years and has been involved in most of the major conflicts in the last two decades including patrolling the Irish Sea during The Troubles, a NATO deployment to Macedonia during the Kosovo conflict and most recently a deployment to the Persian Gulf searching the Straits of Hormuz for mines. He is deployed to the Persian Gulf once again, although for security reasons I can’t share much else about their current mission there. He has had a long and dedicated career, but I am new to the military life myself.

As I was planning my wedding in 2007 I got involved on the message boards on top wedding website theknot.com. I got to know a bit about military life from the woman on the military brides message board andI found that  there are so many differences between the US military and British military.

Some differences have more to do with geography than protocol. For example, the “army brat” phenomenon. Children of military families in the US are moved around from one side of the country to the next every few years, never staying at one school too long and leaving their friends and its a hard life for the families. In the UK, you can easily drive from one side of the country to the other in a matter of hours so although there is housing on base, most families opt for staying in their hometown and putting down roots while the service men and women go away to work during the week. Some military families opt to move close to the base so they can have a relatively normal home life, but for the most part family housing on UK military bases is nothing like it is in the US and most families choose to remain in their hometown and away from the base.

Although this means less moving around from place to place, it also can create a bit of alienation. One of the things I really envy about military wives in the US is the communities they form. Especially during deployments they can understand each other and get together and support one another. I love that I can put down roots and build a life in one place, but it would be so nice to be surrounded by people who understand what I am going through and its something many British military wives have a hard time finding.

There is one major difference in protocol that I can identify. British military personnel do not wear their uniforms in public nearly as much as American service men and women. It is customary for members of the American military to wear their dress uniforms for formal occasions and also to wear uniforms while they are traveling. In the British armed forces, its not quite the same. Members of the British armed forces rarely wear uniforms outside of work and military functions. During The Troubles, members of the military were targeted so they were discouraged from identifying themselves as military in public. In the past this protocol was a matter of safety, but the practice has stuck even as the need for anonymity has diminished.

Another major difference is that people stay in the British Armed Forces for much longer, there is a higher concentration of “lifers” than in the US military. With a smaller population but a high position of power on the world stage, its important for Britain to keep a strong and well-trained military. In the US, for many that enlist the military is a stepping stone to higher education and a civilian career. After their initial enlistment is up the military pays for their education, and this is a big part of the US military’s marketing and recruitment process. In the UK, the armed forces are not promoted as a way to pay for college and get on-the-job training. The armed forces are promoted as a career choice and for most who enlist, the military becomes their career.

This culture of long service is perpetuated by a well-structured incentive plan. A “Full Career” in the Royal Navy is 18 years or until the 40th birthday, whichever is later. After a Full Career a member of the Royal Navy can retire and receive a full pension (which they do not pay into) which is based on their salary when they leave the Navy and how long they have served. They also have access to health care that is separate from the NHS, and also free dental care which is a service civilians have to pay for.

Military life and protocol aside, the Royal Navy’s biggest legacy is slang. “Jack Speak” is a language all its own that after centuries of development has even made its way into civilian vernacular. There are many common sayings that originated in the Royal Navy such as letting the cat out of the bag, piping hot, long shot and chewing the fat. Many of these sayings have worked their way out of Jack Speak but left an impression on the English language on both sides of the pond, and it continues to evolve and twist. The US military has a intricate system of abbreviations and acronyms but these are mostly practical and work-related. The Royal Navy on the other hand speaks a language all its own that has less to do with work and more to do with life aboard a ship. I can’t think of any profession in the world whose jargon could match the intricacy and nonsense of Jack Speak.

Along with Jack Speak, the Navy also has a ridiculous culture of nicknames. Nobody is called by their real name, and in many cases people who work on ships together and live together for years never know the real legal name of their fellow shipmates. For example, my husband’s name is Jason but he is know in the Navy as George and few people know his given name. (The name George comes from his North East accent, which is similar to the Geordie accent of Newcastle.) For most people in the Navy, they have a home life where they are called by their given name, and then they have their Navy alter ego where they go by a completely different name altogether.

I never thought that I would become a military wife, and I certainly never thought that I would marry into another country’s military. Before I became a military wife myself I always looked on this life as a very difficult and less than desirable one. Now living through it, being a military wife makes me feel like I can handle pretty much anything, and more importantly that our marriage could survive just about anything. Although this life isn’t what I expected and is often very difficult, its an adventure and I wouldn’t trade it for a normal domestic life.

Further Reading: If you are interested in the full history of the Royal Navy, check out To Rule The Waves: How the British Navy Shaped the Modern World by Arthur Herman. I read it a couple years ago and its one of the best non-fiction books I have ever read, it reads more like a novel than a text book. Its a must read for any Anglophile!

Dispatches from the East: How to Speak Good Briddish

After being here for a little more than six years, I’m stuck in the very strange position of still having a strong American accent, but having picked up enough British slang and nuance that every time I go back home I invariably say one or two things that cause the good folks of Lawrence, Kansas to look at me as if I’ve grown a second head.  Which I haven’t.  You only get that after eight years of ex-patting.

Apart from having to remember to tip again and say ‘dollars’ and not ‘pounds’ when referring to money, there’s a linguistic paradigm shift that an ex-pat must go through–little things like remembering that the toilet is a bathroom, the taps are faucets, and asking people ‘Alright?’ is going to get you either very strange looks or a detailed account of someone’s last brush with swine flu.  And while I don’t consider myself as having picked up any accent, if I’m not careful, I’ll slip something into conversation that is just too British for people to let go, and for the rest of the evening I’ll get to hear all about it.

So for those that are about to take the leap, I thought I’d help you out a little with the slang and language differences I’ve learned over the years.  Here goes–

Alright?–usually pronounced ‘Aight?’ and often followed by ‘mate’, this is actually a standard greeting and does not mean you look unwell.  The stand reply to this greeting is ‘Aight. You aight?’ or just ‘You aight?’  Much like ‘How you doin?’, this is less a question and more of a verbal acknowledgement that you have recoginized each other as two human beings cohabitating a nearby space.  Conversation may start after that, but is not necessary.

Mate–I love this phrase, but always feel like an imposter trying to use it.  Roughly the equivalent of ‘buddy’, but so much more.  A mate can range from ‘best mate’, or BFF, to a guy you met in the pub once, to the plumber, to your worst enemy.  It can even be used menicingly (i.e. ‘Give us your phone, mate’).  You may or may not have met a friend if someone calls you ‘his mate’.  In Scotland, substitute ‘pal’.

Ah, Bless!–I have to give props to Kat from London for bringing this one up, but it is a Brittish slang gem.  ‘Ah, bless’ manages to be both incredibly condescending and endearing in that quintessentially British way.  If you have done something that someone replies to with ‘Ah, bless’, you have probably done it wrong.

Suspenders–Not the romantic 20’s era detective staple we think of Stateside, suspenders in Britain are what ladies use to connect garters to stockings (i.e. a garter belt).  DO NOT SAY TO YOUR BOSS AT WORK “NICE SUSPENDERS”, AND THEN WHEN HE LOOKS AT YOU FUNNY SAY IT LOUDER.  You’ll have to trust me on this one.  It didn’t end well.

Bloke–a man.  Bloody good bloke–a nice man.  Tosser–not a nice man.

Oxbridge–referring to either students from Oxford or Cambridge.  There is no such actual place.  I should know, I asked.  The reply?  Aw, bless.

Doing my nut in--driving me crazy.  I love this, cause I’m not sure if it’s actually dirty, but it really sounds like it should be.

Sort it, Get it Sorted, Sort your life out, mate–all plays on ‘figure it out for yourself’ and/or ‘pull yourself together’.  Often used by Jeremy Kyle.  Jeremy Kyle is Britain’s answer to Jerry Springer, only with less fighting between guests and guests with less teeth.

Get the round in, mate–like many British requests, phrased as a statement.  Means ‘go buy us all beers’.  Mate is optional, and again does not necessarily require friendship to use.

Minging–If something is ‘minging’, it is nasty.  Not to be confused with ‘minge’, which is a very naughty phrase indeed, referring to lady parts.  Combining the two into ‘minge-ing’ is not socially acceptable.  I should know.  I’ve tried.

On the pull–attempting to hit on members of the opposite sex (i.e. “I’m going out tonight on the pull”).  Pulling–actually succeeding in hitting on a member of the opposite sex (i.e. “I pulled last night”).  Usually does not require the physical act of pulling, though may require spasmodic dancing at terrible night clubs with very expensive drinks.

Cheers–thanks!  Like so many British slang phrases, can be used ironically.  “Mate” follow-up optional.

I can’t be bothered–another one of my favorites, this little phrase eschews any hint of politeness and is blatantly, evilly honest.  Example–”Did you go to Ian’s party last night?”  “No, I couldn’t be bothered.  I stayed home and washed the cat.”  (fyi–washed the cat is not British slang, I just used it as an example, but it does kind of sound dirty.)

Unlucky–That’s too bad.  Can be used for the most dire of circumstances.  “My house just burned down, my cat died, and I won the lottery only to realize my dog had eaten the ticket!”  “Unlucky, mate.”  Can be followed with–

Worse things have happened at sea–show that ‘chin up’ attitude with this callous phrase that ends whining almost immediately!

Whinging–whining.  I don’t know why they added the ‘g’.  Just go with it.

Fit, well-fit–attractive or very attractive.  The opposite can either be manky or minging.  Mostly used by twelve year olds in track suits (aka chavs).

Knock you up–I’ll come to your house and knock on your door.  Neither a punch out or sexual innuendo.

Innit?–added to the end of any statement to make it a question, or even just a statement.  “That’s the story, innit?” or “She’s well fit, innit?”  Doesn’t make a lot of sense, innit?

I’m sure I’ll think of more, but that’s a start.  Enjoy your new phrases, and hopefully we’ll understand each other a little bit better when I knock you up in a fortnight to go on the piss and pull, innit?

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