September 9, 2010

Dispatches from the North: Top 10 Best of the British Summer

I realize that I’m posting this right at the end of the summer, possibly not the best timing for a post such as this but I’ve had so much excitement this summer from the process of getting my ILR Visa to the Tall Ships Races here in Hartlepool and Red Dreams Pitch Invasion music festival last weekend that I just haven’t had the opportunity to finish this post and publish it. Well, a bit late but I suppose it can serve as a tool for reminiscing or for planning for next summer.

Summer in Britain is glorious, while Brits will tell you it is “red hot” or “boiling” outside, in most parts of Britain it rarely gets above 80º F and even that is pretty rare. A normal “hot” summer day in Britain is in the low to mid 70′s. Sure you need to remember to put on your sunscreen, but it’s comfortable to stroll around and enjoy the sun without getting unbearably hot and ducking into the next air conditioned building you find. Here are the top 10 best things about Summer in Britain:

1. Ice Cream

A typical British summer afternoon usually involves stopping into a seaside shop for an ice cream or running for the ice cream van. The quintessential British ice cream treat is the 99 Flake or sometimes just called a “99″. It’s a regular soft serve vanilla ice cream cone with a Cadbury Flake stuck into the top. Most shops and ice cream vans usually offer the option of topping your 99 with “monkey’s blood” which is simply a raspberry syrup. Cadbury sells regular sized Flake bars, but the 99 Flake is specially produced by Cadbury for this ice cream application. There are many speculations about where the name “99″ comes from and according to Cadbury it has been “lost in the mists of time” but regardless of the origins of the names it’s a simple, delicious and very British thing.

2. Fish & Chips

Right next to the seaside ice cream shop where you get your 99 you will usually find a fish & chip shop. On a nice day here in Seaton Carew you walk down the main street and there are two fish & chip shops, one “on the left” and one “on the right”. Over the years the people from the town have come to regard “the one on the left” as the best chippy in Seaton Carew, being a local and living just down the street I’ve actually discovered this commonly held idea is actually false and “the one on the right” is much better. Even though “the one on the left” has changed owners at least once since I’ve moved here, people still line up out the door at this chippy convinced that it’s the best. I would imagine this is a fairly typical situation in other seaside towns and villages across Britain. On a nice summer day people fill benches and squat on curbs with the curiously shaped “chip fork” in hand and a styrofoam carton of greasy fish and chips. It’s an essential ingredient to the British summer.

3. Going to the Beach

In the North of England going to the beach isn’t what it is in the US or in the warmer Southern parts like Cornwall. Here you must go to the beach fully clothed most days, there isn’t much sunbathing to be done and many people will bring with them a kind of half tent or simple bit of tarp attached to some wooden poles that act as a wind screen. You will see children darting in and out of the freezing cold water, but for the most part going to the beach here in the North East means sitting fully clothed on the sand and taking in the views. It might sound boring but there is no need to reapply sunscreen every twenty minutes after sweating it off, there is always a refreshing breeze coming off the water, it’s great people watching and there are lots of opportunities for outdoor activities like playing a game of soccer on the beach or some of the best kite flying conditions you’ll ever find.

4. Late Sunsets

I sometimes forget how far North I truly am until the winter when the sun rises after 9am and sets at around 3:30pm or in the summer when the sun rises at 4am and sets at 10pm. The British summer day is LONG and it’s one of my favorite things about living this far North!

5. Music Festivals

There are several outdoor music festivals over the summer, the most famous of course being Glastonbury but there is also Cream Fields, the V festival and many other small local festivals that will crop up anywhere you can find an open bit of land and permission to plop down a stage. For the second year in a row Hartlepool had its own music festival called Pitch Invasion which was organized by the music charity I volunteer for, Red Dreams. It was fairly small with about 6,000 people attending over the two days, but it definitely had the festival vibe and gave local bands a chance to participate in this British summer staple.

6. Parks & Gardens

Britain has some gorgeous parks and public gardens, even the smallest in the humblest of towns are lovingly maintained and groomed. Here in Hartlepool the largest is Ward Jackson Park which has a bit of something for everyone, there is a little “woodland walk” which is a dirt path that winds through the trees and brush, there is a traditional landscaped typical English garden area with perfectly manicured flower beds and there is a duck pond where hobbyists often bring remote control boats to zoom around on the calm water. There is also a children’s playground and lots of open space for playing frisbee or just lounging on the grass. Having a stroll through a well maintained park is one of the best parts of the British summer.

7. Barbecues

If you are lucky enough to have a back garden or know someone who does, a barbecue on a summer day is a great way to relax. A British barbecue isn’t much different from an American one although it’s definitely a lot more relaxed. Where American men usually have a state of the art grill or smoker or other very manly outdoor appliances and maybe plan ahead by marinating meat and other impressive culinary tricks, Brits like to keep it simple with a small grill and simple burgers and sausages and jacket potatoes (baked potatoes if you’re American) with all the fixins’ on the side. There will always be lots of cold lager and cider to go around as well!

8. Beer Gardens

When the weather starts to heat up in the Spring the first thing I start to look for is the beer gardens opening up. On a sunny afternoon pubs’ beer gardens are packed with people relaxing. It seems no matter the day of the week or time of the day, if the sun is out and it’s warm enough to sit outside there will be people in the beer garden enjoying frosty beverages. I’ve walked into a Wetherspoons pub at noon on a Tuesday for lunch to find the beer garden brimming with people enjoying a pint in the middle of the day. There is just no keeping people away if the sun is out and there is a beer garden nearby.

9. Caravan Parks

All over the UK you will find holiday caravan parks. Caravan parks are a collection of “caravans” or basically trailers that are specifically for the purpose of renting for a week like a cabin or hotel room and then in the middle of the caravan park there is usually a pub and lots of stuff for kids to do like pools and arcades. I haven’t been to one yet since I’m more of a tent and campground kind of person, but for families it’s a great way to get a camping-like experience in a more comfortable and kid-friendly environment.

10. Camping

The North of England is dotted with prime camping areas. The Lake District, the Yorkshire Dales, The Pennines, and even just here in the Cleveland Hills. Britain has some serious campers and the natural beauty of this country is ready-made for some of the best camping experiences. The one thing about camping here that is much different from the US is that in this day and age it’s incredibly difficult to find a campground that has fire rings. I was shocked last summer when I was looking for a place to camp and only found a handful of places in the area I wanted to go that allowed fires. Blame the culture of Health and Safety, but I just can’t imagine a campsite without a fire at night for roasting marshmallows and telling stories.

That is my lineup of the Top Ten of the British Summer, it’s a bit late but we’ve still got a few more warm days to squeeze out of Summer 2010 and there is always next summer!

Dispatches from the South: American Things I Still Can’t Do in Britain


Photo from Flickr

To continue with my “I’ve been here how long?” theme, this week we’ll take a look at some of the things I would like to adapt to, but just can’t seem to get the hang of.

On the up side, I am pleased to say I can now travel around without getting lost (too often), can complain about the weather with the best of them, and even speak the language like a native. What I still cannot get to grips with however, are British eggs, electricity, aspirin and time.

The electrical sockets here are 220 volt. Yes, even for a night light or a Glade Room Freshener. This makes the Brits very cautious around electricity and practically eliminates amusing anecdotes about the time you convinced your little brother to stick a bobbie pin into an outlet. As a safety precaution, wall plugs have switches on them, so you can turn the power off “at the mains.”

This is all well and good, as long as you remember to turn it on at the mains. I wish I had a 5 pence piece for every time my laptop ran out of power or I turned a light off and on half a dozen times wondering what was wrong with it or I returned to the kitchen after 20 minutes to see why I didn’t smell dinner cooking only to find the stove stone cold and the mains power still switched off.

And time, over here, is military-style, with trains arriving and leaving at such times as 16:34 or 19:04. And for some reason, I just cannot get used to this. The simple formula of subtracting 2 and losing the first digit (turning 18:46 into 16:46 or 6:46, for example) often has me thinking that my 18:47 train is due at 16:47 so that would make it 4:47. Even with a 24-hour watch, I would still have problems adjusting. The whole thing gives me a headache.

Which brings me to aspirin. The abiding belief that topping yourself by eating a handful of aspirin means you cannot buy it by the gross, as in the US. So I am forced to buy it in boxes of 12. And you can only buy one at a time. Consequently, when I get a headache, I have to go buy a box, take two and then put the box somewhere that I will remember it in the future. The medicine cabinet seems like a good place, and I swear that is where I put them, but weeks later, when I have another headache, the box has disappeared. So I have to buy another box.

Somewhere in this flat, there are about 187 12-packs of aspirin with 10 tablets left in them. I expect we’ll find them if we ever move out.

Photo from Flickr

As for eggs, I spent 46 years developing the perfect tapping technique for cracking an American egg and then found out—to my bitter disappointment—that the skill is non-transferable. The problem, in my opinion, is they don’t feed their chickens enough DDT or whatever it is we feed them in the States because the shells here (on their brown, not white, eggs) are hard as walnuts.

Since it is my privilege to make breakfast on weekend mornings, and since my vegetarian wife and I have a limited selection of foods in common, a typical morning meal inevitably includes eggs. A favourite of mine is eggs over easy, and my wife likes fried eggs (they are the same thing, by the way) but the odds of me getting a yolk out of an eggshell in one piece are about the same as the Labour government sweeping to victory at the polls in the next general election.

Now, I know from experience that I have to hit the egg harder than I am used to, so I steel myself and give it a good whack. Generally, the first blow glances off the armour plating leaving hardly a nick. The second blow, delivered with more determination, adds a dent and a few cracks. So the third blow is practically guaranteed to end up with me holding a dripping mass of canary yellow goo, splintered eggshell and a good deal of something that unnervingly resembles snot in my hand.

We eat a lot of scrambled eggs.

But only if I remember to turn the stove on at the mains.

Anglophile in Exile: All You Need Is… a Beatles Master’s Degree

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If you’ve been following my column here on Anglotopia, you know I am batty for all things Beatles. Practically every book, film, video game, you name it, I have devoured it.

Needless to say, my curiously was piqued when I saw that Liverpool Hope University is offering a new Master’s degree in The Beatles. Hailed as the first master’s degree of its kind in the world (obviously!), the program focuses on The Beatles’ music and their influence throughout popular culture and society.  The program consists of four 12-week semesters and will cover topics such as the postwar music industry, influence on politics, fashion and how they were influenced by their hometown of Liverpool. A dissertation is also required.

All of this sounds fantastic, but what good is a Beatles degree? From a history perspective, one would learn about how society changed in post-war Britain and the world.  Musically one could learn how they changed the recording process and pushed the boundaries of instruments and lyrics. Or how their music was the soundtrack to the civil rights movement, women’s rights and the Vietnam War.

But what good would a Beatles Master’s be? According to Mike Brocken, senior lecturer in popular music at Hope University says, “I think any MA equips people with extra study and research skills. MAs of any description are vital for the workplace. You will find that once you have done a master’s degree it separates you from the pack.”

That is a valid point. From what I have read, this program isn’t just sitting on the banks of the River Mersey around listening to Beatles music; there is actual work and thought required.

So what do you think? Would you go for a Beatles Masters? Do you think it is worthwhile?

Dispatches from the East: At Play in the Field of Gnomes

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Two things happened this week, I moved into a new home, and I bought my first garden gnome.  To be fair, I bought it ironically, but I’m now a gnome owner just the same.   And the most awesome thing about my gnome, apart from it’s essential gnomeness, is the fact that it is powered by the sun, having a lantern, which actually lights up.  All for less than a tenner.  God bless these hard economic times.

My gnome came from Home Base, a sort of UK equivalent of Home Depot, cast carelessly between bad cast-iron patio furniture, paint stripper and desk lamps, peering out from the drab concrete and DIY jungle, begging me to release it into the garden of my new house.  Reminding me of the gnomes from ‘Gnome’ by Wil Nyugen, which my parents had when I was a kid, he’s complete with a little red hat, little blue shirt, and kick ass LED SOLAR POWERED LANTERN.

My gnome is the best two reasons–one, because it’s total kitch chique.  I mean why have four or five plain black solar powered lamps lighting up your back garden, when you can get a built in gnomes to go with them?  Two, because it means I’m on the verge of developing my first English eccentricity.  From here, the world of gnomes has burst open, and I may find myself in years to come like the archetypial trailer-dwellign cat lady, awash in gnomes, to the point that they find me dead, three-hundred and fifteen gnomes cluttering my trailer, stuck in cupboards, peering out of the dishwasher, strewn across the floor alongside my body, which still proudly bears the logo ‘Chillin with my gnomies’.

Even if that scenario plays out, I wouldn’t be the man who took gnomes to the extreme.  Let me introduce you to The Gnome Reserve.  My wife and I found the gnome reserve the last time we were in Devon, and our lives have never quite been the same.  Because the gnome reserve is 4 acres of solid-ass gnomeage.  They have over 1,300 gnomes at last count, big gnomes, little gnomes, black gnomes, white gnomes, gnomes playing poker, gnomes taking a leak, a gnome orchestra, the gnome graveyard (for gnomes who have lost their paint and grown into small gnome-shaped piles of moss), an entire gnome beachfront complete with gnome surfers.  It is all gnomes, all the time,  at the Gnome Reserve.  The woman who runs it even makes gnome art, which while maybe a step or two down the artistic rung from say, Picasso, at least has a pretty consistant theme. Gnomes spill out as you walk down the reserves paths, like a wild English garden of gnomeness.  Plus, you can get a cream tea, and everyone gets to wear a gnome hat.  There is nothing bad about the gnome reserve.

But–you cry–we Americans can do gnomes too!  And that’s true, America has made great strides in gnomeness, from Chomsky,  The World’s Largest Garden Gnome, to a massive gnome theme park in the South somewhere that I sadly can’t find the link to.  But what makes Devon’s gnome reserve so English is the fact that it’s A) fairly hard to find, being located up a small, one-lane Devon country road, B) completely devoid of rides, ticket stalls, and gimmicks, and C) obviously not designed with commercial gain in mind, but rather to make a few quid off someone’s already existing eccentric hobby.  While there is a wee gnome-themed gift shop, this is not a place to buy gnomes, but rather, a place to appreciate them.

So I took the plunge, and never looked back.  I bought the gnome, I took him home, and now I’m that small first step on the way to a huge eccentricity.  The look of slight unease and thinly veiled pity in my wife’s voice when she agreed that I could get the gnome cemented what I already secretly believed.  I am on my way to something bigger.  I’m on my way to a full on gnomish eccentricity.

Britannia in Brief Week: Don’t Be a Pillock in the Pub – Do’s and Don’t's of British Pub Etiquette

The final post in our Britannia in Brief series is a fantastic article from co-author William Mullins about how to behave in a British pub. I’m glad he decided to write about this as I’ve experienced the confusion of being a pub for the first time. Be sure to check out the rest of the posts for Britannia in Brief Week.

It should be straightforward – I mean, you’ve got bars here in the US – but I’ve always been struck by the trepidation that fills visitors to Britain the first time they have to step up to the bar at the pub and navigate the strange ritual of British pub etiquette. Quite understandably, no one wants to make a public fool of themselves in that inner sanctum of British culture, the public house.

In our book Britannia in Brief my wife Leslie, who blogged here on Anglotopia on Tuesday, and I explain the different kinds of pubs you’ll encounter, what they’ll serve in different parts of the country and how to navigate the culture. Following are a few tips which will help maximize your own pub-roving travels!

Do’s

  • Go to the bar to order drinks. Only very smart establishments, (i.e. not pubs,) will have table service.
  • Order beer by the pint (men) or half-pint (women); never by the bottle.
  • Pay for your drinks when you’re served, and expect to pay in cash.
  • Offer to buy drinks for all your party rather than just slipping off to bar on the quiet. The British tend to drink in rounds - etiquette of rounds can get complicated,) so if your offer is taken up, don’t be alarmed – you’re off the hook until everyone’s had a turn. (Though if you want a glass of water or a packet of crisps, or some such, as well as a drink go get that yourself.

Don’ts

  • Tipping will cause confusion. If you must, offer to buy the bartender drink which they may chalk up for later, but most Brits would only go to this extreme if the publican had just single-handedly rescued him and his family from a burning car.
  • Don’t be afraid to bring a child to the pub during the day, especially in the country. Unlike America, this won’t have social services coming to take your child away!
  • The pub is not the place to order frou-frou drinks. No self-respecting publican will serve Long Island Ice Tea, Buttery Nipple shots or Espresso Martinis. This isn’t to say there aren’t pubs that will serve these, it’s just that they’re not the sort of pubs any self-respecting tippler should frequent.
  • Don’t ask for or expect the bar staff to pour you a particuarly large measure of liquor. Though prices vary between pubs, measures do not and are strictly regulated by law. For spirits the standard serving is 25ml, the EU having done away with the wonderful old measures: 1/6th of a gill in England and 1/4th of a gill in Scotland.
  • Be a little more reticent about drumming up conversation than you would be at home. It’s not that people don’t want to talk to you, it’s just that they’re a little taken aback when someone they’d never laid eyes five minutes before suddenly sticks out their hand and introduces themselves as Tim from Topeka. To the Brits this sort of bumptiousness is annoying and plays to all their stereotypes of the loud American. Break the stereotype, be yourself, be patient, don’t try to hard, go with the flow and you’ll find yourself welcomed and appreciated by the natives!

Britiannia in Brief – The Scoop on All Things British – was written by Leslie Banker and William Mullins. It’s the ultimate guide to Britain for Anglophiles! To purchase Britannia in Brief: The Scoop on All Things British – click here. And be sure to check out their great blog here.

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