Dispatches from the North: Retrospective Part III

Here is your third installment of my look back at the past year. On Saturday I celebrated my one year anniversary here in the UK and it has been such an amazing year.

Here is an excerpt from an Anglophile’s Digest post from last October:

Ahhh yes, Ye Olde British Tradition- drinking. This weekend Jason and I went for “a night out” together. I mostly went for his benefit, as I have begun to find the pub culture a bit boring. I promise to explain later.

I put “a night out” in quotations because here, a night out is far more specific a term than it is in America. In the States, if you tell someone you are going for a night out it could mean a whole spectrum of things. It could mean that you are going for dinner and a movie or that you are going to get dressed up and see a play or that you and some friends are going to go out and have a rowdy time. The possibilities of what a night out in America can mean are endless.

In England, “a night out” means that you are going to drink in at least one pub and plan on drinking for the duration of the evening. More specifically in Hartlepool, the qualifications for a night out are even more stringent.

First of all, there seems to be an unwritten dress code. It could be an instinctual thing, some kind of genetic code that is only strong in the blue-blooded English and not those of us who have been tainted with German or even (gasp!) Scottish blood. I say this because I obviously always miss the memo. The dress code isn’t usually the same from one night to the next, or from one weekend to the next. It is mostly a female thing since most men have two or three “night out” shirts that they rotate. I never seem to get it right but luckily my style is understated enough that my faux pas go unnoticed.

Women always seem to be dressed the same. Saturday night, most of the night-outers were wearing leopard print and/or sequins although there was a sect of people wearing sweater dresses and leggings. There are usually only two or three different variations of outfits and then if you go out the next weekend thinking you are onto the pattern, they have changed the encryption again and everyone is wearing two or three completely different styles.

Secondly, there is a strict itinerary that everyone follows, but everyone takes a different shift. I think it might be something where upon turning 18 the new crop of drinkers is given their itinerary and this remains with them until death.

The intinerary goes like this: You always begin in the same pub and after having no more than two drinks you move on to the next pub. Repeat this until closing time. The order in which you proceed to the pubs is always the same. Like clockwork, you see the same groups of people leaving as you enter the pub and then continue to see familiar faces as you finish your round and the next shift arrives and then the whole cycle starts again.

For this reason, I find pub culture in this town very boring. I never meet new people since my group is always on the move, I never get the chance to settle in before moving on to the next place (there are very few tables and chairs in the pubs in which to settle) and I am usually uncomfortable from trekking from “the top end” of town to “the bottom end” while dressed up more than I would like to be. It is normal (but thankfully not mandatory) for women to wear cocktail dresses out, and for the younger and wilder crowd the equivalent of what you would wear to a bachelor or bachelorette party.

Coming from the cozy and quiet “come as you are” pubs of Chicago this all seems like too much trouble for me. I prefer to stroll down the street in a t-shirt and jeans, park myself at the bar and have a lively conversation with my dear friend the bartender. The bartenders here are more like the cashiers at a fast food restaurant. You give them your order which had better be one of the things they see on the touch screen in front of them, they quickly bring it to you, you pay, you walk away drink in hand, end of transaction.

Also, despite the “shaken not stirred” stereotype about the English, in my experience no bartender in England is capable of making a cocktail that doesn’t give you the recipe in it’s name. Basically, if it isn’t a Jack Daniels and Diet Coke or a vodka and Red Bull they can’t make it and God save you if you order something else and they actually give it a try. The vast majority of people drink lager, usually Fosters, Carling or Kronenbourg. Second to lager is cider, Strongbow being the most popular but there are several brands. After that are ales which is basically any dark beer like Guinness. Never fear if you prefer a fruity cocktail because Britain’s solution for having poorly trained bartenders is to bottle everything under the sun. You can get a wide array of cocktails in a bottle and this fourth category of drinks is called “alchypops”. Even though the option is there, drinking a premade screwdriver out of a bottle just doesn’t do it for me. That basically covers the options you have when you go out, although I have found there is usually a refrigerator behind the bar stocked with things like Corona and other more “exotic” drinks that are more to my liking.

It isn’t all bad because one thing about all the moving around is that you have more opportunity of running into people you know, and we almost always do. Still, the malarkey I described above is precisely what is implied when someone asks if you are going for “a night out”, and I am always expected to know what this means and follow suit to fulfill all of the night out qualifications.

Now that I have friends who find the “night out” just as boring as I do my weekends are much better. We tend to frequent the social clubs where cover bands play or the one live music venue here. Sometimes we even opt for the “girly night in” where we order a takeaway and watch a movie or play a board game. Since I have made my own friends I have only been out for the traditional night out a couple times and I don’t miss it.

Also, as if by fate the closest pub within walking distance is a new place that is an American themed bar. They have a bar with comfy stools, ESPN on the TV above the bar, Coors Light on tap and a menu of American bar food and cocktails. To top it off, the proprietor loves to stand behind the bar and have a chat. Its a small place but it feels like home and my husband loves it too.